I believe we are born with an inate abilty to love so deeply that not even we can understand the power of love. Love is complicated. Love is veils. Love is truth. Love is a teacher.
We all come from love. We are made of love and that is why we most probably spend our lives looking for love. Looking for that other half that can complete us in some way. We have been taught that we need love.
I haven’t had a lot of relationships in my life. 4 years being my longest and then a couple of stints here and there. I have always considered myself to not be one of those serial daters, I see one guy for a little while. Until the other day a friend said to me? When are you going to be single for a while? To which my response was “ I have been single for a while” and she laughed.
I’m the kinda girl that will choose one guy and stick by him and enjoy every moment we have together until the stars have decided that the lessons have been learnt and its time to part ways. I love deeply. I give my heart. I get my hands dirty.
When you can learn to see and understand what relationships truly are, you are able to look at things from another perspective.
It’s called having awareness. Being aware of who you are. Consciously looking at your behaviour, your reactions, knowing your mind and understanding your heart.
Asking yourself questions like, What am I being shown here? How can I grow? I can I transform? What is my truth? Why have I attracted this person into my life?
I am a big believer in manifestation. It is a powerful tool and I am studying it daily in my own life. Whenever I have ended a relationship I spend some time thinking deeply about what happened. I re-asses. Let – go and give thanks.
Each time I do this, I have always thought about, in my mind the type of guy I would like next. Remember relationships are our biggest teachers. If you are holding onto things and not willing to see them from another perspective after a breakup you are not growing. You are stuck. So after day dreaming about my next prince charming, I come back down to earth and leave the idea of my next prince up in the obis because I had just come out of a relationship and am not ready to go into another any time soon.
Haha, if you know anything about manifestation you will understand that in order to manifest you need to let your desires go with love and have no attachment. And thats what I did. I didn’t ask for a new relationship to come into my life ‘directly’ however I manifested it because I had no attachment to it.
After my last breakup lets just say I have been on a journey of accepting that I am a sexual being. I am passionate. I am wild. For so long I denied this to myself, that I wasn’t sexual, that I didn’t have this drive within me to have wild, crazy sex.
So in my day dreaming hours I would think about this man who would want to have wild crazy sex with me all day long, quickies everywhere.
Oh yes… you bet ya!! She did it. The cheeky little cosmos sent me that man. For a couple of months I had the time of my life. I met someone who was just like me.
The agreement was “ Friends with benefits” sex whenever either of us wanted it.
I have always thought I was the kind of girl who could have sex without attachments. But that is not the way we are built.
The beautiful feminine. The goddess. We are special creatures because we are born to love, born to nurture. When we have sex a hormone gets released into our bodies that makes us want to have babies and love and all that kinda stuff.
So the love drug has hit and you’ve become pretty stoned. It’s pretty inevitable.
I spent days, nights asking myself if this was love? Was I in love? I seemed to be asking myself all sorts of questions about the relationship. I was super close to becoming all pushy and asking the dreaded question “ Whats happening between us?” but I knew that I needed to find the answers myself.
Always be aware of what you ask for. I never asked for a relationship. I never asked for love. I asked my higher self for someone I can express my goddessness sexuality with and that’s EXACTLY what I got.
What happens in life is that we create all these stories in our heads. Of what things “ could” look like. We create these fantasies that in reality you know they could never be true because that wasn’t how the relationship started in the first place. And how someone ” could” be, how they will become…. remember people don’t change. The way you met them is the way they will remain.
This guy and I decided to part ways because we had learnt what we needed to learn. It was one of my hardest lessons because I had to learn about self worth and what it truly means to love yourself. I thank him for the lessons.
What I have learnt is that we are constantly looking for love because we don’t have it for ourselves. We need someone in our lives because there is some sort of void that we believe can only be filled by someone else.
I have been shown through all my lessons that there is still so much more I need to learn about myself before I can share it with someone else.
We attract a partner into our life that is a mirror reflection of who we are or the things that we have not integrated into our beings. What you see in others is a reflection of yourself.
If we attract an angry partner into our lives it could be because we are denying the anger within ourselves. And remember anger is not bad. It is just another emotion that which we learn through. Anger is powerful if used from a place of love. It creates passion.
If we do not truly know who we are or understand ourselves we will continue to jump from relationship to relationship so that we can learn through the mirror in-front of us.
I have decided to do it the other way around. This time I am going to learn everything there is to know about myself so that the right partner in the right time who’s vibrational pattern matches mine, comes into my life when we are both ready.
It’s called going with the flow of life.
It is going to be hard. Inherently we all want to love someone. Its scary being alone. There are times at night I wish that I was flirting with some cute boy over whatsapp. But I have also been, there, done that. Have irrelevant conversations about stupid things just to get the attention because you don’t want to be alone.
There are times where I sit at home and begin to feel lonely. I don’t have a TV so I cant just switch my thoughts off. So lately I have been sitting in my aloneness. When I feel down or sad I will light candles, sit on my couch and dive deeply into the emotion that I am feeling. I am learning about myself everyday.
I spend time in my kitchen creating beautiful dishes just for one. And then sit at my dining room table, light a candle and take ME on a date.
I sit alone in the garden and just watch the trees. I am starting to understand myself deeply. I am watching my thoughts and being present within myself.
I now even talk to myself out aloud and I often catch myself thinking “ My goodness you’re hysterical” as I laugh out loudly about something I did or a thought I had.
Being alone gives you the space to get to know yourself. There is no-one but you in the quiet days. No-one to hold you and console you. No one to spoon when you have a little hangover on a Sunday. No one to bring you tea in bed. And that’s OKAY.
For the first time I am okay with that. I am becoming independent, strong and finding out exactly who I am. I don’t need anyone to love me because Im doing that for myself. There is nothing more powerful than self love.
I read a wonderful book that said we should write down a list of all the qualities we want in a lover. A wonderful healer I see said that if I wanted to manifest the man of my dreams I need to be able to write down at-least 300 points/characteristics of the person I would want in my life. So I started my list….
A conscious man, A spiritual Man who is willing to work on himself, A man of integrity, A well traveled man, A lover, A compassionate caring man, A man who can help me change my bike cleats before a triathlon, a manly man, A man who has values and morals, A man who is present in their life….. A man who truly understands LOVE.
Lets just say I am on 120 – what I realised is that I am not ready to finish. How can we know what we truly want if we do not yet know ourselves?
So the list will sit there for as long as it takes…. And each day I learn something new about myself I will add another point.
It’s okay to be alone. Its okay to just be with you. We are ENOUGH and we don’t need anyone to complete us. And whats even cooler is now I dont have any expectations.
I believe that when we are meant to meet a significant other we will. It could be in the most random place in the world.
When the Stars say its time to learn another lesson….
The teacher will appear.
In the mean time…. Spend some time getting to know you. Spend some time learning to love yourself.
Because if you don’t love who you are, how can you love another?
Hi Lisa, Nice to meet you. I think you’re kinda cool.