The first “secret” about relationships with men is this: Relationships are easy – you just have to know how they work. Once you know how they work, and how men work within them all of the “stress” of relationship and love disappears and the relationship works the way it was always meant to: naturally.
The reality is that the number one reason why so many relationships end is due to our emotions; anger, fear, jealousy etc. All of which reside in our insecurities.
There are only two things that you need to know about relationships: how to love and being aware.
Awareness is needed to know what is actually happening in the relationship. You need a basic understanding of how men think and behave, how a relationship best functions, what is going on when the “shit hits the fan” and what to do about it. And you absolutely MUST have awareness about yourself, especially your emotions in the relationship. Every problem that arises in the relationship comes from an emotion, either from you or him.
Now, this is not a blame game!! This is an opportunity for you to get what you want from your relationship by knowing and understanding the fundamental difference between men and women…Women Worry About the Future and Men Worry About the Present!!
You are worried about the long-term potential and he simply is not. But, have you ever stopped to ask yourself WHY exactly you are so concerned with this and not something else… like what if all the shops in the world ran out of women’s shoes – you know what I mean? Well the obsession is due to you being INSECURE about your future.
Men look to you as a women to be comfortable with the “now” moment, what’s going on right now this minute. The beauty is that fun, laughter, playfulness, dorkiness, love, good feelings, good times are all present based behaviours and feelings. And what is even more beautiful is that all of these are a natural essence of femininity…. and femininity is what makes a woman MOST attractive to a man.
Just take a look at a beautiful woman. When a man looks at a beautiful woman, is he thinking about the future? What about the past? Nope.
He’s COMPLETELY absorbed in that moment… he’s intoxicated with the good feelings that the attraction gives him in that moment only.
The woman brings him back to right now, and this is one of the characteristics of a woman who can get a man to commit (what I mean by commit is purely to love the woman) at the snap of a finger.
But when a woman worries TOO MUCH, she falls out of the now moment. When a woman worries, she becomes unattractive. In a man’s world Worry = unattractive…
Happy good feelings in the NOW = MAN DREWLING ALL OVER HIS SUIT (insert wide eyed pop-eye type cartoon character shouting “Ouwooogaa!”)
If you were to be completely honest, in my experience the main reason why you want him to commit to you is simply so that you can stop WORRYING and BECOME MORE SECURE WITH YOURSELF!!
Here are 5 daily practices in order to become more secure in yourself and your relationship:
1. Tigers and Lions and Dragons (oh my) – your reality vs. your imagination
Making stuff up and then believing it is a sure-fire way to self-torment.
There are ebbs and flows and mood changes, moments of intimacy and closeness and comfortable spaces in all relationships. These ebbs and flows are normal. Wanting to be absolutely close and intimate all the time is like wanting an aeroplane to never make a sound or a movement.
Next time you feel insecure, ask yourself what it is you are imagining. Write it down on paper under, ‘Stuff I am making up in my head.’ Being able to distinguish between what you imagine and what is actually happening is a massive step toward self-assurance.
2. Relinquish the reins – he is not the horse and you the rider (keep it clean girls hee hee)
Overcoming relationship insecurity is partly about becoming less controlling. This may sound strange, but feeling that and having to know whether your partner really loves you, or what he really thinks about you etc. puts a lot of unnecessary strain and tension into the relationship.
Being secure comes from starting to relax without control. Nothing in life is certain, so just breathe and be present.
3. How can he miss you if you are always there?
When you plant a seed in the ground, you need to give it access to sunlight, water, and air; you need to give it space to develop. The developing flower needing space to grow isn’t a sign that it is heading for collapse. Your relationship just needs room to breathe.
Schedule in some ‘personal time’ with yourself and do stuff which makes you a happy individual (allowing him space to miss you)
4. Quit your profession as a psychic and stick to your day job
Unless you truly are a mind reading psychic, assuming what he is thinking or meaning anything other than what he is saying, is one sure fire way to create the beginning of unattractiveness.
Before you want to jump on the insecure bandwagon with his silence or comments or sounds, STOP! Realise these thoughts are only coming from one place and one place only – YOU!
5. He is NOT your ex
What happens in this relationship relies solely on your learning from your past experiences not the ex himself. If it were to, then ask yourself why you are involved in this relationship when you could have stayed with your ex-boyfriend?
Remember who you are and ultimately it is ourselves that can make or break relationships
6. Feed your sense of security
Insecure people look for signs of what’s not working. I want you to look for signs of what is.
Both your insecurity and security are your reality. Which one becomes stronger is the one you feed. So choose wisely
Angela McCann – LIFE COACH, NLP, SPIRITUAL HEALER
082 904 0024